3 months post surgery/baby

"Almost three years ago a devastating fire gutted the interior of the beloved, historic tabernacle in Provo, Utah. Its loss was deemed a great tragedy by both the community and Church members. Many wondered, “Why did the Lord let this happen? Surely He could have prevented the fire or stopped its destruction.”

Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple—a house of the Lord! Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple—a permanent home for making sacred, eternal covenants.

My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity. We have seen the lives of loved ones—and maybe our own—figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen. But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him. He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His Spirit can dwell eternally."

(Linda S. Reeves full talk here)

Just 6 days after my surgery I sat with my mom and watched the LDS General Relief Society meeting.  We both cried as we watched my little sister sing in the choir who is serving a mission! This was the first time we had seen her since she had left! We also both cried as we listened to this talk by Sister Reeves.  Such an inspiring meeting.  As she was speaking of the tabernacle that was burned down I literally felt like she was speaking right to me.  I felt completely burnt to the ground. Physically and emotionally.  After such a long hard pregnancy, living far away from family, giving birth, and surgery right after I felt I had nothing left in me. At that point I felt it was my maximum capacity.  Surely I witnessed miracles and angels carry me through such a hard time.  I can't even think about it without tearing up because of those blessings.

I was promised so many blessings that I have seen come to pass.  I am amazed at where my body was then and how much it has overcome now.  Sometimes I forget it all happened and wonder why I still feel so overwhelmingly emotionally drained.  I have to remind myself that it's ok to be where I'm at.  I often think of the "drops of awesome" article. (If you haven't read it, read it.)

The other night as I went to bed feeling totally defeated for the month week day.  I pulled up the ipad and this was on the screen.

" . . . and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 

(Elder Bendar "Tender Mercies of the Lord")

Sound familiar? I am so grateful I write things down here.  It brought me right back to my "2 weeks post surgery post".  Coincidence? I'd like to think not.  I was reminded once again that the Lord and His mercy have the power to make us "mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 

So in the mean time I will be striving to add my drops of awesomeness and know this too shall pass.   And maybe one day my drops of awesomeness will have added up to be enough for that glorious day of relief from life's trials and tests.  

"Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says,  we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind." (Elder Holland "Like a Broken Vessel")