it's just a phase

Beckham woke up in the middle of the night crying again.  Like most nights. Still, at 2 1/2 years old.  We think it's mostly due to the fact he doesn't eat well or at all during day. Or maybe it's night terrors. Or maybe it's something we're doing wrong.  Or maybe he just inherited my horrible sleeping genes (sorry buddy). We've tried all sorts of stuff and gone to the moon and back to figure it out.  Either way he woke up again.

Side note: I once had a friend who had an 18 month old who still wouldn't sleep through the night. At the time Porter was a few months younger and I remember thinking and (please forgive me) even probably giving advice on what she could try to help him sleep through the night.  Because if my 12 month old was sleeping a solid 13 hours a night then isn't everyone else's supposed to do that too?! Or they must be doing something wrong. Ha. I've definitely made (& continue to make) stumbling blocks in my parenting and one I've learned quickly is to never judge and NEVER assume all kids are the same and if held by the same rules, routine and guidelines they will do the same things. Just as we are each individuals with different needs and wants, so are children and so are the parents of those children.  I've learned to be a little more kind and try to have a better listening ear instead of an immediate mouth full of advice when it comes to parenting woes whether I feel experienced or not in that particular woe. Because bottom line is my experience with motherhood (and really life in general) will never be exactly the same as anyone else's.  And that's ok. 

This particular night I could hardly open my eyes walking down the hall to go comfort him.  I felt like I was trudging through mud and just kept thinking when is he ever gonna sleep through the night??! I'm soooo tired!! I got to his room where he was in hysterics.  He finally calmed down enough to let me hold him.  Because yes, he is that stubborn he won't let me console him til he's let his pride down a bit. Like every time, we did our routine until he was ready to go back to bed.  But this night was different.  I laid him down and I distinctively had a feeling to ask him if he wanted to sleep on the floor next to us in our room.  And of course my brain went all sorts of "alert! alert! don't form a habit! etc.."  The feeling came again though, so I asked him and of course he replied with a "Yes!!" 

I carried him, reluctantly, to my room with his blanky.  Where he laid right down and whispered: "Goodnight mom! I love you!" 

Immediately, my mind wandered back to when Porter was a little bit older then his age. I was reminded that Porter on occasion would wake up in the middle of the night and walk to my room and sleep on the floor next to my bed.  I would carry him back to his room when I discovered him and he would beg me to just stay with him.  Some nights I'd make it back to my room and some nights I wouldn't.  One particular night I was at my wits end and the thought clearly came to my mind:

"It's just a phase. Be still." 

Those words were ringing through my head when Beckham whispered his goodnight. 
 "It's just a phase Kim. Be still."   

I think back to my childhood and how many times I ended up on the floor in the hall just next to my parents bedroom.  I'm not even sure why but I do remember feeling safe and loved by being just a bit closer to them. And of course it was just a phase. 

There are so many times in my motherhood where I've felt like that moment in time was never going to pass and I was doing something wrong because things weren't going as planned or they weren't going by the professional "rule book".  So many times I've had to go, what can often feel like, against the grain to do what was best for that moment.   I'm learning as time draws on that using the Spirit in parenthood isn't just about the spiritual matters.  Like what to talk about for Family Home Evening, when to do scripture study, or teaching them to pray.  But can be used in everyday temporal things as well.  Like when to potty train, or how to discipline, or when to let them sleep on your bedroom floor.  Everyday.  I can rely on the Spirit everyday to guide me through my decisions and actions with my kids.  And to remember that each time I feel I'm "going against the grain" when feeling prompted to do or say something, that "it's just a phase!" 

Because Porter did out grow it and the best thing I ever did was relish those moments cuddling in bed with him at 3am, no matter how tired I was. 

It's just a phase. Be still.  Let them be little. Cause they won't be little forever.